Five Things Claire Shouldn't Have Done
by Eliza4892
Summary: We all make mistakes, and all mistakes have consequences. That's Claire's lesson.


**I.**

Once when Claire was fourteen she spent an hour searching her house up and down for her Christmas presents. Her mum was out shopping for groceries and Claire was both bored and curious. She searched through every closet in her house, behind every large object that could be used for hiding something, and still turned up empty.

She was in her mum's bedroom next, rifling through her drawers in hopes of finding small gift wrapped boxes or at least bags with store logos branded on them, filled with tiny trinkets or clothes. Instead she found papers, old records, tax returns, and birth certificates. And a photograph. It was of an older man, probably in his 30s or early 40s, lines of age making him appear distinguished. The photo's glossy surface was scratched and when she flipped it over the initials C.S. were written in her mother's messy scrawl.

Ordinarily Claire would've just shrugged, put the photo back and kept on looking, but there was something about this picture that made her stomach bubble with a foreboding feeling. There was something familiar about this man. It took her a few moments of running through the mental index of all the people she'd ever met before she realized that it wasn't anybody else she'd seen before. She hadn't actually ever seen this man before in fact. Except for in the mirror. There were slight similarities between the man and her, in facial structure and in eye color. Her mother had brown eyes; Claire had never figured out where she got her bright blue eyes. This gave her an idea.

Her mum came home fifteen minutes later to find Claire curled up on the couch, photograph clutched in her hand. "Who is this?" She asked, shoving it forward almost accusingly.

Mum snatched it away quickly and had Claire known that would be the last time she would ever see the photo perhaps she would've taken that last look and burned the image into her memory. "Where did you get this?"

"I was looking for my old report cards and I found that," she lied, knowing her mum would believe her. She had passed by some of them when she glanced through the papers. She knew they were there. "Who is he?"

"That's none of your business Claire," mum snapped. She watched her mother take a long look at the picture, before she crumpled it up in her hand and tossed it in the nearby trashcan. "He's no one."

Claire watched the woman turn to walk out of the room and into the kitchen, rising as she asked, "Is that my father?" Mum whirled on her, pure sock on her face which soon disappeared to reveal a look that warned Claire that she was pushing her luck. Still, "It is, isn't it?"

It looked like her mum was on the verge of screaming at her now. For sticking her nose where it didn't belong or some such. But she calmed after a few moments, and with a hint of sadness in her voice told her daughter, "It wouldn't matter if he was. He's not going to come back for you."

That was the start of her abandonment issues as it instilled the feeling that maybe she just wasn't good enough. Why else would a man just up and leave behind his daughter without giving so much as a calling card.

**II.**

She had been on the pill since she was seventeen. She'd gotten good at remembering to take it in the mornings, same time everyday, but she was still human. There were slip ups and every few months she would forget and miss a dose. In three years there had never been any consequences stemming from it so she just blew it off that day in February. She didn't even mention it to Thomas, not that he would've spared a moments pause, too intent on getting her clothes off.

Eight weeks later she figured out that she was pregnant. This, she told herself, would've been one of the times where playing it safe would've been worth it.

**III.**

She had a funny feeling in her stomach from the moment she set foot on the plane and it had nothing to do with the baby kicking. Something was going to happen. She just couldn't shake it. It's just an airplane, it's perfectly safe, she thought. It wasn't like she'd never flown before.

Claire took her seat and smiled at the stranger who'd helped her with her luggage, to be polite. She watched the large man, who all but ran onto the plane at the last minute, squeeze by her seat, give the thumbs up to a boy reading a comic book, not too far away, and then sit down. Shortly after the plane lifted off the ground in what was the smoothest take off she'd ever experienced. You're just paranoid, she thought, rubbing the swell of her stomach and wondering if it was the baby making her so nervous.

Six and a half hours later, over the blue, blue waters of the Pacific the plane hit turbulence, and Claire knew that they were going to crash, even while everyone else was still trying to reason it out as just the rough part of their journey. When the tail split off it was almost satisfying, through all the fear, because at least she hadn't been going crazy.

**IV.**

Looking back, Claire should've realized Charlie was the type who needed to feel useful, especially now that he was off the drugs. He was overprotective, a tad needy, and he just absolutely could not sit still for long periods of time. He always got fidgety. A lot like Aaron she learned later in life and wondered if he'd influenced her son in some of his more annoying habits. Hopefully none of them were drug related.

What really bothered her though, more than all those other things combined, was that he loved her. Sure, she liked him enough and he could be pretty good company or at least better than most on the island, but she didn't love him. She didn't have the heart to tell him and he was either too oblivious or in complete denial about it.

They played house, shacking up and acting like a married couple, complete with a lack of sex. He was too much of a gentleman to bring it up but she never once slept with him. He probably passed it off as her being too scared of ending up pregnant again, on this island. They'd all seen what Sun went through. Claire never told him that really wasn't it at all.

There were so many things in her life that would be so much easier if she hadn't gone and dragged Charlie into this mess way back when all she thought she wanted was to be loved. Sometimes she just wanted to be left alone she discovered, because it was in her nature now. She just didn't know how to tell him that without hurting him, so she didn't tell him that either.

**V.**

The fact that she never had sex with Charlie was not to say that she never had sex on the island at all. Anyone who thought that, and most everyone did, was horribly wrong. She had bruises, and a lot of interesting excuses aimed Charlie's way, to prove it. No, Claire was not a good girl, contrary to everyone's belief, nor was she a particularly faithful one.

In the afternoons, when Charlie took Aaron out to "give mum some space" and let her take her walk she could more often than not be found not on the shores of the beach but instead straddling a particular man with shaggy blonde hair and a devilish smile. She and Sawyer had started up sometime after Kate had begun to redirect her affection Jack's way, upon his return from captivity. Sawyer was horny and just a bit lonely and she was restless and tired of feeling smothered.

Sawyer was not the type to smother her. He didn't fawn over her and he wasn't constantly asking her if she was okay at just the littlest provocation. He didn't love her. There were days she wasn't even sure he cared all that much for her besides her being a warm body he could slide into. He was still too fixated on Kate. So she got two polar opposites in her attempt to find the perfect man, and it worked out well…for the time being.

Still Claire knew that one day Charlie was going to find out and she was going to lose him. Possibly even Sawyer too. And even though she knew that, she couldn't stop herself from making those near daily visits to Sawyer's tent. Even though she knew these things always had consequences. Hearts were going to break and it was going to be her fault, and a part of her didn't even care anymore. Sawyer rubbing off on her, she thought, placing blame somewhere else while she still could in order to make herself feel better about this travesty.


End file.
